Apparently, some things do not get funnier with time. For example, if someone accidentally caught your campus apartment on fire in college and made everyone evacuate during the women's NCAA championship, do not bring it up three years later. They still will not appreciate it.
also, Mayor Sheila Dixon talked about poopy diapers
So I went to my first Stoop Stories on Monday. It was fabulous. In case you're not familiar, it's an event in Baltimore where seven people (sometimes mildly famous, interesting jobs, etc.) sit on a stage and each tell a seven minute story surrounding a theme. So, take 6 things I love, combine them, and you get last Monday:
Baltimore + stories + Ace of Cakes + Christmas + the Meyerhoff + music = Monday
Ace of Cakes? you might ask yourself. Well, Mary Alice Yeskey, manager of Charm City Cakes, was one of the storytellers. She was, of course, quite entertaining and genuine. Also, Geof, one of her coworkers, was sitting in the audience near me. I was so starstruck.
There is also music from a folksy band, Caleb Stine and the Brakemen, and it was of course Christmas music!! And, AND, they started off the show by having The Westsiders, a (volunteer, I guess?) marching band from West Baltimore march through the aisles of the Meyerhoff.
Another portion of the show is when they select three audience members who have put their names in a bag to each tell a three-minute story after intermission. Well...I started thinking about what holiday-themed story I would tell if I were onstage. I'm sure there are many, but the one that stood out immediately was the Thanksgiving whale song story. I have never recounted this tale on my blog, due to its sensitive nature, but if you've never heard it, ask me.
Soon I started thinking, I really should put my name in the bag. My friends encouraged me to do so, but I told them I would be terrified if they actually called my name. My ambivalence was ended with this thought: You don't often regret the things you do, but the things you don't do. So, I put my name in the bag and felt all panicky and sweaty as I waited for them to call names. I imagined that if I was called, I would tell the story with such precision that everyone in the audienc would be doubled over with laughter. As I left the stage, Mary Alice would give me a high five or a cheer or some gesture to acknowledge my awesomeness. Perhaps my wit would move her so much that she would facebook me, thus beginning a lifelong friendship and full access to Charm City Cakes.
Really, I don't think I'm that funny. My storytelling skills don't quite match my writing either. They didn't call my name, thank God. But I'm glad I put my name in the bag.
ps: I was not at the September edition, which was animal-themed, but if you want to hear a classic Bawlmer accent: have a listen!
highs: Doing lots of things makes the weekend feel longer. So this weekend was nice and long, cause I saw lots of people!
Going to a coffeehouse doesn't sound exciting, but I got to hang out with Christie and it was fun. I also got a free CD out of it, and you know how I love free stuff. Also, being the "No I'm not new; I've been going here for four and a half years" girl is kind of entertaining, in a weird way.
lows: Um...it was really really cold when we picked up our Christmas tree, so there's that. Also, leaving my phone in Baltimore AGAIN was annoying.
huhs: A cashier at the mall told me my eyes looked like Elisabeth Hasselbeck's.
I saw a Santa by the side of the road. It was hard to tell if he was advertising something, because he didn't have a sign. He just kept pointing at passing cars with a "gotcha"-like motion.
Wolves eat musk oxen, hare, and lemmings. Musk oxen, hare, and lemmings eat grass. They don't think about it; they just do it because, A: That's what they have available and B: They instinctively know whether they're carnivores or herbivores. Their ecosystem functions and everything stays balanced because of it. If poachers went up to Alaska and killed all the wolves, the rest of the species would get out of whack.
I think it's largely assumed that humans are omnivores, and some people just opt out of their natural right to eat meat. But there are entire cultures of people who are vegetarians. How do we decide what we're supposed to eat and where we're supposed to live, in order to keep a balanced environment around us? We don't have any such instincts! We're the only species who has to sit around making a conscious decision about what animals or plants to kill. From an evolutionary standpoint, did we gradually lose our instincts? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? From a moral standpoint, does God want us to contemplate these decisions, so we can be consciously taking care of the earth? If so, what are we supposed to base these decisions on, since we have completely lost touch with the environment? Not only do we often not care what impact our choices have on the environment, but most of us just have no idea how we're affecting it.
I'm not just talking 'to eat animals or not to eat animals.' If you're vegetarian, shouldn't you just be vegan? It's certainly not natural to eat eggs. Some animals do that, but no animal I've ever heard of drinks any kind of milk other than its own mama's. And even if you're vegan, what plants are you supposed to eat? Should you import them, or is that screwing up an ecosystem too? If you're only eating 'local,' what defines local? As far as you can walk? As far as you can drive?
I think we've very much separated ourselves from nature, and we're ridiculously confused. I remember as a child, my dad would have family talks with us. One time, the talk was about eating healthier. We put so much junk in our bodies, he said, like microwave popcorn. Internally, I was screaming,
Nooooo, don't take away microwave popcorn! I love it too much! Eating habits are a really hard thing to change. Not only because we have such strong attachments to food, but because we know no other way. I don't know the natural flora and fauna of Maryland. I couldn't concoct a vegan menu if I tried. I'm sure 'ants on a log' would be the main course, and after that, I'm fresh out of ideas.
