In my opinion, all men are islands. And what's more, now's the time to be one. This is an island age.
The other night, I was with a bunch of friends, and I found out that no one had seen About a Boy. This is a fantastic movie, and it is now my mission to spread the word. It pretty much hinges on the same theme as a more recent awesome movie, Up in the Air:
People shouldn't be isolated. It's very easy to do, and it's numbing, but it's no good.
also, children can be really kind and thoughtful to each other, that's just not the current topic
Throughout my years working with young children, I have noticed some universals that span across ethnicity, culture, and gender. One universal is the way they try to assert autonomy in their social relationships (read: how they manipulate each other). Here are two conventions frequently used:
You're not my best friend. This seems to be the most upsetting phrase a four-year-old can hear. When someone wants to express how mad he or she is at a friend's actions, this is a standard go-to. I don't remember using this when I was little, but I do remember the positive form of it being attempted on me. "I'll be your best friend" was a phrase sometimes used to try to convince me to do something I wasn't planning on doing. It never worked, because I already had two best friends and wasn't interested in letting anyone else in on the action.
You can't come to my house. The positive of this statement is also frequently used to include and exclude certain people. A child will often say, "Raise your hand if you want to come to my house," then name which of the people with raised hands are allowed to come over. This one drives me crazy, absolutely crazy. It's not like it's even a real invite - it's simply a way to get other children's hopes up, and then make them feel uncool. Or...if I was looking at it from a more developmental perspective, it's a way for children to create a situation in which they have some control, since they are frequently told what to do by adults. Still - drives me crazy. And I didn't do this when I was young.
So, if the two universals that I have noticed in the past five years were absent from my own childhood, how did my friends and I display our tendencies toward manipulation? I think the classic was:
Fine, I'm leaving! Once that person started to go, there would be two remaining (you know, cause there were three best friends). One of the remaining two would say to the other, "Don't follow her. That's what she wants you to do." Yes, I think we could've written the book on how to manipulate your friends.
Then, the other night, I dreamt that someone was trying to break into my parents' house. He ran up the deck stairs to take 3 credit cards that were lying on the floor, and I beat him up. I wasn't much stronger than him, so when I ran out of strength to hit him in the head, I gouged his eyes out. That worked. I literally stuck my fingers in his eye sockets and punctured his eyeballs 'til they bled.
What is wrong with me?? Where am I getting these disturbing images??
This morning I had a dream that I was drinking fruit juice out of an animal heart through one of the valves. This was the way it was packaged, as if it were a juice box.
Maybe it has something to do with my recent obsession over how unnatural it is to drink cow's milk combined with my intake of McDonald's vanilla ice cream last night.
Seldom do I post anything that I didn't write, but via this gem of an article, brought to my attention by Charlie, here is a letter from Satan:
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.
You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan
I almost feel bad identifying with humor surrounding such an event, but in the face of such hateful and preposterous remarks, sometimes humor is the best. Beyond prayer, donations, and reaching out to Haitians in our own area, mocking those who would try to use an entire population's tragedy as flimsy evidence to further their own agenda seems like a decent response.
Ever since I can remember, I've been obsessed with names. When I was about 10, I used to check baby name books out of the library and pore over them. I would make lists and try out different combinations of first and middle names. When I realized the many uses of the internet, I would spend a lot of time on Behind the Name, where you could browse names by origin and look at each name's meaning. I specifically enjoyed looking at the Finnish section. Oh, those combinations of 'ii' and 'kk' are so weirdly beautiful to my American eyes. The site also has a complete listing of each participating country's name days. (You know, like Anna Day on December 9th.)
Today I found out about Nymbler. Here you can enter names you like and receive suggestions of other names you might like, based on similarities in origin, 'style', and popularity. When you like a name, you save it, and when you don't, you can block it. You can also click on each name and view trends in the name's popularity, including its peak year and its 2008 ranking. Thus, you can avoid giving your child an identity that must be qualified with a last initial for the rest of his or her life. I think the data might not be completely up-to-date, though, because it lists no data for the name Barack, and I know that name had to have been gaining popularity in 2008. Also, the site does not list name meanings, so I will still use Behind the Name in conjunction with Nymbler. All in all, I like the site's abilities to suggest names based on similar characteristics and create lists for you, much like my beloved Pandora.
Today a child told me that you need to bite the blue veins in bad guys' wrists to "offend yourself." When I asked how she would tell if someone is a bad guy, she said, "When he puts me in a cage every day like a bird."
I'm wondering if this is actually valid self-defense advice for four-year-olds. Whatever happened to "kick them in the crotch"? I mean, biting someone's wrist veins is pretty gruesome and not easily carried out to any degree that would really injure someone. Is that a conversation you really need to have with your children? They take your advice pretty seriously, so just be careful. Also today, one of my children told me his name was Lance. I called him Lance all day, and he chuckled every time. This was what kept me entertained. This was what motivated me.
four-year-old: It's never gonna be summer. I've been waiting weeks and weeks! me: It will be summer some day. In about six months, but that's a very long time. You'll be five then. four-year-old: Aaah, I'm never gonna be five!
