I've been clearly remembering the narrative of my dreams lately. It's very entertaining and at times disturbing. Here's a recent one:
I was once again watching Johann for my sister, but this time, she also had a new baby. Apparently, Chris is an alien in a human body, because this new baby was half alien. His head was concave and he had very large eyes. He was still pretty cute, but he was almost as big as Johann, though he was a newborn.
As I held the alien baby, I worried about his rapid growth. What if it keeps progressing at this rate and he ends up being like Robin Williams in Jack - a 10-year-old with the body of a 40-year-old? What a terrible life!
Eventually it was time for me to put the little guys to bed, so I tucked them into some dresser drawers and said goodnight. I woke up the next morning, and went over to the dresser, which was closed. Hmm, I thought, Maybe I shouldn't have shut the drawers. Babies shouldn't be trapped without air like that. I hope they're still okay. Luckily they were fine. When I opened the drawers, 5-month-old Johann hopped out of the dresser and walked away on two feet.
When I met back up with Kirsten, I couldn't wait to tell her about this milestone. me: When I woke the boys up this morning, Johann climbed out by himself and walked away! Kirsten: ...Where did you have him sleeping that he could just climb out? (Uh oh. I realized my faux pas and tried to cover.) me: Oh, I had them in my dresser. In the top drawers...which were open the whole time.
So...not only am I unfit to take care of my nephew, but I am also a liar. What is this trend? I'm sure I'll have more fictional tales of my inept aunting skills to come.
I had a dream recently where I was in some sort of a mall with friends. Also, it may have been a large concert venue. Various stuff happened, but the part I remember most clearly was someone's nose started bleeding. I told them I'd go get some toilet paper. I ran a few miles through the throng of people to the bathrooms. The bathrooms were disgusting, and none of the toilet paper was usable. I started to search around for anything that could stop blood. I found a pile of cloth-like tissues and ran all the way back. When I got there, I realized I was carrying a pile of laundry, I had been gone for about 20 minutes, and the friend looked at me like I was an idiot. The end.
In looking at what Google searches refer people to this blog, the top searches are related to chills. Key phrases include "severe shivers," "shiver at slight temperature change," and most commonly "random shivers."
There must be a lot of people out there experiencing the same thing I do, wondering what exact condition they have, searching the internet for some kind of an answer, and finding, instead of an explanatory medical article, MY ramblings! There has got to be something better. Wikipedia and WebMD are no help; I've tried.
Can some neurologist please step in and help us? We may not be suffering, but we are surely confused, and we want answers. For those whose hands fly up at inopportune times...for those who are constantly responding to weird looks from people...for those who are set off by as little as a warm breeze or a hair on their neck...for those who are sick of other people telling them they could control their awkward, seizure-like mini-convulsions if only they tried...random shiverers of the world UNITE!
I don't have much perspective without the passing of time. I never know exactly what I'm going through, but I can look back and see from where I've come. For the first time in two years, I feel a sense of peace in my life. Not a lot of purpose or direction (there's still time for that) but peace. And thank God, cause I sure have needed it.
I never wrote anything about my job on here last year because it just wouldn't have been appropriate. But now that I have left, and now that I am in a better place, and now that I am no longer relying on my supervisor's recommendation on the off chance that she would ever find this site, let me give the whole experience at least a little cameo on my blog.
I think it's safe to say that I went through hell last year. I always knew it would be a hard job, and I knew that lots of people in this world don't like their bosses, but I truly believed that if I did my best and was willing to work hard and learn from the people around me, I would be appreciated. I had been led to believe this by the many fabulous supervisors I'd had in the past. This was decidedly not the case last time.
Whenever people ask me about my experience, a part of me wants to list every detail of how I was wronged. I want to prove my case, leaving no doubt in the listener's mind that I was burnt at the stake at the hand of a dictator. I will not do that right now. I've done this several times, but at some point in the depths of my depression last year, I had to choose out of this. I had to look forward and I had to leave for my own sanity. I had to choose to be a positive person.
I can't claim to be a saint. I can't figure out if I wish redemption for my previous boss or a good dose of karma. Maybe a little of both; who says they can't work together?
In short, I learned to let go, but it's still a conscious choice. I learned to choose into the kind of person I want to be, rather than letting my circumstances alone mold me. I am at peace.
remember when we were supposed to call them freedom fries?
My car always smells strange. I don't know why. Perhaps I should invest in one of those Yankee Candle hanging air fresheners. Today, I got in the Galant, and I thought it smelled like a guinea pig. This is odd, because I don't own a guinea pig, nor have I ever brought a guinea pig in my car. And I don't transport wood chips anywhere. I would have no reason to do so.
Later on this evening, I decided my car smelled like McDonald's french fries. It has been a month and a half since I have eaten french fries in my car.
I guess you just have to accept that some mysteries will never be solved, and you have to keep warning your friends every time you drive them somewhere. I'm sorry. My car smells really weird.
