new life

I don't have much perspective without the passing of time. I never know exactly what I'm going through, but I can look back and see from where I've come. For the first time in two years, I feel a sense of peace in my life. Not a lot of purpose or direction (there's still time for that) but peace. And thank God, cause I sure have needed it.

I never wrote anything about my job on here last year because it just wouldn't have been appropriate. But now that I have left, and now that I am in a better place, and now that I am no longer relying on my supervisor's recommendation on the off chance that she would ever find this site, let me give the whole experience at least a little cameo on my blog.

I think it's safe to say that I went through hell last year. I always knew it would be a hard job, and I knew that lots of people in this world don't like their bosses, but I truly believed that if I did my best and was willing to work hard and learn from the people around me, I would be appreciated. I had been led to believe this by the many fabulous supervisors I'd had in the past. This was decidedly not the case last time.

Whenever people ask me about my experience, a part of me wants to list every detail of how I was wronged. I want to prove my case, leaving no doubt in the listener's mind that I was burnt at the stake at the hand of a dictator. I will not do that right now. I've done this several times, but at some point in the depths of my depression last year, I had to choose out of this. I had to look forward and I had to leave for my own sanity. I had to choose to be a positive person.

I can't claim to be a saint. I can't figure out if I wish redemption for my previous boss or a good dose of karma. Maybe a little of both; who says they can't work together?

In short, I learned to let go, but it's still a conscious choice. I learned to choose into the kind of person I want to be, rather than letting my circumstances alone mold me. I am at peace.