l’été est arrivée

simple pleasures of today, the first real day of summer:

• strawberries from the garden
• watching parents teach their kids to swim
• being pleasantly (which is just on the verge of uncomfortably) burnt
• the impossibility of inconspicuously eavesdropping on deaf people's conversations
• driving
• honeysuckle
• grilling things
• making mental lists of things I plan on doing this summer
• reading for fun
• people watching
• a baby praying mantis

garden state

So I'm back from Chapter Camp at Lake Champion. It was a good week, as always. I won't tell you about it now though, so you'll just have to ask me if you want to know.

What I will say is that I had the most awkward gas station experience on the drive home. I thought I was in Pennsylvania, but apparently I was in New Jersey or something, cause when I got out of the car to pump my gas, some little kid came out to do it for me. I was very uncomfortable with that. Was I supposed to get back in the car and just chill there while he did the work? As it was, we kinda did it together since I had already started. I'm pretty sure that's taboo. I didn't know how to pay either, cause there was no place for credit cards. So I went inside to pay for it, and they just ignored me until I realized I was supposed to wait until it was finished pumping. Then the kid came back out and took my card inside. I felt like I was supposed to tip him or something, but all I wanted to do was pump my own gas and pay for it in peace!

To my friends from Jersey - I'm sorry; I just don't understand your culture, and it kinda weirds me out. Next time I need gas, I'm making sure I know what state I'm in!

angsty haikus

stuck at the Chapel
Capital City Rentals
needs to leave right now

this day has been long
filled with hustle and bustle
college graduates

a broken trash bag
chili on the patio
how do you clean that?

buckets of water
must be clean for commencement
I just want to leave

thirteen point five hours
one very long semester
get me to Glen Spey

packing up my room
drive, sleep in Columbia
a five hour car drive

then I will be free
take me to Lake Champion
peace is what I need

so cheesy right now

Tonight Maggie mentioned yearbooks and having everyone sign them and write letters at the end of the year. Me and my nostalgic self are considering bringing back the yearbook-signing.

...so good, or no good?

RNOTM or of the past 3 years

Creepy McNotmytype

Working at the Chapel has its benefits, but having a job where you prance around in pretty outfits all day at weddings also has some drawbacks. One such drawback is that it somehow makes groomsmen/photographers/ushers/random family members think that it is a good thing to do to hit on you. And the vast majority of these people are way too old for you. And you can't give them that "leave me alone now" attitude, because half your job is to be hospitable and friendly with people. I haven't given anyone that attitude in a long time anyway. I don't think.

I don't know what it is about weddings, but it seems to be prime time for flirting with random girls you don't know. Maybe people just get lonely watching the bride and groom being all (hopefully) joyous together. Maybe it's just the atmosphere...love is in the air, everyone is looking their best. Maybe it's the fact that these people are back on a college campus and reminiscing about their time there or thinking that it will therefore be easy to pick up girls.

Whatever the reason, let me save you the trouble...
Yes, I am still in college.
No, I am not going to the reception. How clever.
No, you may not take a picture of me standing by the window. I'm working here - not posing for whatever creepy reason you asked.
No, I do not want to go out for coffee any time.
No, I will not call you but thanks for your business card. I'll let you know if I ever need a Network Security Engineer.

I don't exist

An email I received regarding the new ID cards that all students are supposed to get:

Dear Ms. [G],

We apologize that you were not able to pick up your card. According to our records, you are classified as Faculty/Staff because of your employment status with the University. Faculty/Staff ID cards will be distributed by the department where you pick up your pay check on May 5, 2006.

The message I receive when I try to register for student parking for next year:

A Serious Error Has Occurred.

Error: Serious Error encountered in data retrieval. Please contact Campus Parking.
The following errors were encountered while processing your parking registration:
Error: Our records show that you are currently an employee at the University of Maryland. This web page is only available to students.

And yet, last year, when I tried to get staff parking, they told me I was ineligible because I was a student.

Brilliant.

I realize I'm not graduating yet

The other day was my last official day in preschool. They made me put on a crown and sit in a chair while they all sat in a semicircle around me and watched as I opened presents that they had wrapped (and my teacher had bought) one by one. It was so awkward, but they were all so excited to tell me which presents they had wrapped. And they had done a really good job too. I think they might have had help...but anyway. I just kept thinking that I didn't deserve any of that. I didn't do anything. I mostly just watched them play, and here I was being a princess.

It was a pretty good day. Can't say I don't love gifts and attention from anyone, including little kids. That day was also senior night, when those graduating in IV talked about the life lessons they have to pass on after four or more years in this institution. Naturally, since I am signing my life away to student teaching next year, my college experience is quickly coming to an end and I, too, have begun to reflect on what's been going on these past 3 years.

All I could think of, though, was that morning when everyone gave me presents and cake and a crown and told me they were gonna miss me. And I guess that's how I could look at these past 3 years. People showing me love for no apparent reason. I can't think of anything particularly wonderful that I've done, but all my good memories of college are of spending time with fantastic people. These people have given me free food or let me sleep at their apartment or called me to let me know that they saw some cute skirts I would like. People even give me free clothes or rides places or random things that make them think of me. They make me CDs and give me turtles and invite me to things.

I find that people always take care of me in little ways that mean so much. Even if I leave behind all my free time next year, I know I will still have these people around supporting me whenever I need them. I've been getting all angry and bitter and scared about next year. I feel as though I'm sacrificing my senior year, something that I'm entitled to, right? Poor me, I'm gonna go through a difficult year. I don't think I really know what it looks like to follow Jesus. I know the good things, like the huge community of people that come with it, but I don't like to give up my life. That was one of the hardest things that Jesus ever said - that you have to lose your life to save it. In order for your life to mean anything, you have to give up your control of it. I think about this often, but I never really live it.

Yes next year will be hard. Yes I will have to give up my free time and my sleep and my control and my entitlement to more of the college experience. I made it to Gospel Happy Hour tonight and heard one girl's poem. One line stuck out to me that said something to the effect of: "Working the morning shift at the Gap will give me the humility I need when I am leading a board room." Yeah it sucks to be stuck at the Gap when you have a degree and the skills to be in business. You don't want to be folding clothes! But God thinks it's beautiful. I need next year to help me become a teacher who can do something even close to meaningful in the lives of children. It will be hard, but I am holding onto the hope that it will be beautiful.