I guarantee it

(A version of the following can be found here. I just want to save it in both places in case they ever decide to delete all my work.)

I first heard of one in Baltimore County. Soon, I saw one with my own eyes on Erdman Avenue, and then on Falls Road.

Judgment Day billboards.

In a matter of months, these billboards predicting the beginning of the apocalypse were everywhere. People were handing out tracts. And finally, while enjoying a lunch with friends in Canton one afternoon, I saw a caravan of five trucks pass slowly by, each of whose sides were emblazoned with, Have you heard the awesome news? Judgment Day: May 21, 2011. The Bible guarantees it!

I've got to say, I'm a little disappointed that for all the money this one religious group has spent on nationwide marketing, there is little to no hysteria from the general public. I want a bit of Y2K hype. I want some of that will-it-won't-it drama. I want a reason to stock my basement with hand sanitizer and toilet paper, but more so a reason to gather with friends and strangers on an appointed date for some manufactured tension and feasting.

I understand though; there's no need for the hype. The Y2K panic was born out of our nation's dependence on technology, something much more tangible to most of us than religion. People simply don't believe in this predicted day of reckoning, and those who do believe also have faith they will be lifted up into Heaven at that time. If that's the case, there's no point in selling 'Judgment Day Emergency Preparedness' kits or 'I Survived May 21st' T-shirts. There is simply no market for them.

But really, do we need to believe it? We have a long history in this country of commercializing religious holidays that don't necessarily hold significance for the majority of the population. I see no reason why there shouldn't be pre-Judgment Day drink specials at the bars on May 20th and all-day street festivals on the 21st, punctuated with cheers and toasts when 6:00 pm fails to bring the prophesied catastrophic earthquake. Since when do we need to be coerced into celebration for celebration's sake?

I, for one, will find some way to mark the occasion, however small it may be. Let me know if you want to join. Together we can bask in the fact (although it may come as no surprise) that we are still alive and well.