alright already

This year, I've missed my friends. I like living with lots of people. What I've realized recently though, is that I think I also miss myself. Does that make sense?

I feel that I've put myself on hold for awhile. Not just my free time or my wishes, but me. Like I've stepped outside my identity to do what's expected of me. And all I know of myself is what other people tell me I am, which is difficult when you're receiving mixed reviews every day - the good, the bad, the honest, the assumptions, and the downright cruel. You've heard that whole tossed by the waves metaphor. Have you ever felt like that - crushed against the sand and shells, picked up, and tossed again? I just look forward to that breath of air I get every so often. But then it only makes it that much harder when you get pushed down again.

Perhaps this is a character flaw; perhaps it's a bad fit that's not permanent; perhaps it's just a learning curve. I don't know, but I'm looking forward to meeting myself again. Hi. I know you. You're not who they say you are. Hey, it's okay to just float for awhile.