no chance of getting pizza delivered, I guess

With my new-found free time, I enjoy experiencing things around the city that I've never done. You know, like using the laundromat. Today's New Experience was swimming at the Druid Hill Park Pool.

Now, I fully expected to be the only white person there. I fully expected to be the only one sunbathing rather than sitting in the shade. I wasn't shocked when a little boy asked me, "Are you a lifeguard?" despite the fact that I was wearing a blue and white bathing suit and carrying a towel. However, I was unprepared for the other cultural differences I would experience.

The place is like a maximum security prison! I payed my fee and walked into the locker room, about to waltz right through the showers and into the sunshine. I was stopped at every turn by a different bored teenage prison warden making me jump through some new kind of hoop.

bored teenage prison warden: You need to check your bag.
me: You mean...I have to leave my bag here?
BTPW: Yeah. And your dress and your shoes. You can keep your towel.
me: Can I at least bring my book?
BTPW: It's a pool...bring a book for what?
me: You know...I'll lie out in the sun for a while, read my book, get in the water when I get hot...

BTPW gave me a puzzled look and a shrug as if I had just told her I planned to conduct a seance or wrap myself in tin foil or some equally ridiculous yet ultimately harmless endeavor. Was she unaware of the habit of white people to work on their tans, twenty minutes per side before flipping over, then take a dip when they get overheated? Surely she must have witnessed this phenomenon in a movie or something. Apparently not, but she let the book pass.

Next, I had to go through the showers and get wet, front and back, as BTPW#2 told me. I held my book and towel high above my head while drenching the rest of myself in the showers, then walked, bare-footed, cameraless, telephoneless, penniless, into the pool area. I was stripped of every item I usually consider essential for a day at the pool. Thank God I hadn't tried to bring snacks, or even water!

I spread my towel out and plopped down with my book, nervous that I was breaking some hidden rule. No lying on the concrete! You cannot be out of the water for more than 10 minutes at a time. Did you actually wear glasses in here!? I got even more nervous when the police officer on duty started walking by me. Play it cool, Anna, play it cool.

I don't think I'll be returning to this particular pool. Someone please tell me that Patterson Park is not like this. Or at the very least, give me detailed, step-by-step instructions on how to enter the pool before I try.