don't forget to watch the movie

I went to a movie today. The girl next to us kept narrating it. I'm not talking about making comments here and there. She was describing verbatim what was happening on the screen. "She's pouring peas on herself!" I thought maybe she had a blind friend next to her or something, and she was simply providing a service to make the film comprehesible and enjoyable. But no.

Then, maybe when her fingers got tired from texting, she took a phone call. "I'm at the movies. Yeah, I've gotta go." Don't worry, I gave her the stink eye. Okay, I also leaned over and quietly said, "That's really rude." A step too far? Oh well, it was true.

As if that all weren't enough, at the end of the scene where we meet who will turn out to be the main character's love interest, she goes, "Oh, he's cute. Maybe they'll end up together." Seriously? How many chick flicks does one have to ingest before recognizing the male lead when he shows up? This is not a Shyamalanian twist here; this is formulaic. Formulaic!

And then I realized...this girl must have never been to a movie before. Clearly, it was her first time, which shed some light on everything. She must have been experiencing sensory overload and missed all the pre-movie etiquette reminders. It wasn't her fault. Anyway, I hope she really enjoyed herself. Bridesmaids was a good choice.