I can't remember my friends' majors sometimes, but I can remember the lyrics to almost every chewing gum commercial since 1991. Try me. The recesses of my mind are a strange thing.
All I want to be is Ms. Frizzle, Dewey Finn, and myself. All rolled into one. But apparently, I am just not creative, not risky enough, and guarded.
Who gives advice to a teaching intern that they need to fail more? I was literally told during a conference with my supervisor and my mentor that I need to try something I don't think is going to work, and I need to bomb a lesson. I need to come up with something crazy and go for it. So...I need to screw up more often? My mentor told me I need to let down my "Anna Guard," and my supervisor said, "Ooh, that's a good phrase!"
Ew.
People have been telling me my whole life I'm too guarded in one way or another. I mean, it's true. That's just who I am. And apparently, that's how I am as a teacher. That makes me want to crawl in a hole and sleep and never come out. If I'm not going to be an engaging, and fun, and crazy as a teacher, then why should I do it? I'm just going to feel stressed all the time, which I already do, and the kids are going to get bored, which I hope they're not.
I can learn more and do things differently, but I can't change who I am. So, does that mean this is not what I'm meant for? Gah, I don't know.
